You may have read other articles where writers try to “grade” NFL teams’ moves in free agency. This is definitely the weirdest grading system you will ever read. Try to follow me if you can:

You can compare NFL teams and their offseasons to a school dance. The “party” starts and everyone’s waiting for that one person to break the ice and step on the dance floor.

It may happen immediately or it may take some time. Sometimes it can take multiples getting involved before everyone joins the party.

These partiers have different styles as well. You’ll have the unsuspecting kid who goes after the hottest girl in the grade. He may utterly fail, but sometimes it works. Then you’ll see the group that the brave soldier came from just sit in the corner all night. There are always those few partiers that seem to always top their previous performance with an even crazier dare or challenge.

I’ll briefly go through each NFL team and tell you what I expected to see and how they actually performed during the “school dance”.

San Francisco 49ers- Already in a relationship (Alex Smith) and tried to dance with someone else (Peyton Manning). It didn’t quite work out.

Chicago Bears- The Bears were the first on the dance floor (Brandon Marshall) and it paid off very well. They danced a little too much now someone else is mad (Matt Forte).

Buffalo Bills- The Bills stepped out of the lonely corner and boy did it pay off. (Mario Williams)

Denver Broncos- One of the most popular girls came back from vacation (Peyton Manning) and the Broncos scored. Now everyone wants to hang out with them.

Cleveland Browns- The Browns sit in the same corner every year and they expect something to change?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers- The Bucs just didn’t just land one hot girl. They brought all of her friends as well. (Jackson, Nicks)

Arizona Cardinals- Cardinals were in the competition, lost, and headed back to the corner.

San Diego Chargers- Stayed relatively quiet and played it cool.

Kansas City Chiefs- Chiefs were turned down from the very beginning. (Peyton Manning)

Indianapolis Colts- Colts were once at the top of the totem pole now they’re sitting in the corner also.

Dallas Cowboys- Cowboys were always popular and just added another chick (Brandon Carr) to their group.

Miami Dolphins- They were supposedly going after everyone’s girl (Peyton Manning) and were turned down as well.

Philadelphia Eagles- The Eagles really didn’t need another chick but they still got one. (DeMeco Ryans)

Jacksonville Jaguars- Jags scored but at a very high price. (Laurent Robinson)

New York Jets- The Jets snuck in the party and got someone that no one else expected. (Tim Tebow)

St. Louis Rams- The Rams saw some old friends at the party as well. (Finnegan, Hayes)

Washington Redskins- The Redskins are known for their partying and they did not disappoint. (Garcon, Morgan)

Seattle Seahawks- The Seahawks wanted the best (Peyton Manning). They still did pretty good (Matt Flynn).

Tennessee Titans- They struck out (Peyton Manning) but rebounded nicely. (Kamerion, Wimbley)

Minnesota Viking- They own the silent corner. No moves at all. Ever.

This group didn’t really need to do anything particular at the “party”. But they still remain respective positions on the totem pole:

Cincinnati Bengals, Atlanta Falcons, New York Giants, Detroit Lions, Green Bay Packers, Carolina Panthers, New England Patriots, Oakland Raiders, Baltimore Ravens, New Orleans Saints, Pittsburgh Steelers, Houston Texans.

-Ian Jackson

Follow @NFLQandA