Many of you know that I have a father/son relationship with Chad Johnson. I love him and just had to reach out to him with all that is going on. We are at a crucial point in his life and his history of football. The freedom of his life and lucrative contracts and the future of his married life are going to be shaped by the authorities and ME.
So son, listen close.
Dear Son,
I know that you have had a rough 48 hours, so I wanted to reach out. Wife crying, blue lights flashing and on top of that, you were cut by the one and only team that you wanted to play for this season: your home team Dolphins. It does not help that all of the sudden your life has become TRU TV and Cops all rolled into one. This has to be the worst week ever. Since, no one is showing you any support, I figured that I would pile on and warn you that you are serious jeopardy of being kicked out of the league permanently! One thing I think of to help your situation is killing the OCNN PR machine. I suggest these steps as a step towards reform: taking your life seriously, being a good dad and making sure that you never miss a settlement payment, because you know that Evelyn will hunt your butt down to get back that last cent.
You do a darn near perfect job of portraying this game as one played by heroes but in reality it is guys like YOU that are ruining the game. Please retire and leave me alone, you are an aging, has-been, wife beater, and there is no room for you anymore.
But let’s be real Son, this is a nasty, dirty and violent life with real consequences. So go get a regular job, go turn off the TV and go fishing with your kids. I know that you will most certainly face legal and financial ramifications that I cannot imagine yet (or can I). Come on out and admit what happened, either on Twitter or some other creative way, if you don’t say it now, the mounting evidence will be revealed publicly and will say it for you very soon. In all, I love you and if anyone can lead you out of this mess, it will be YOU, it has to be! Because this has always been about you and I fear that it will always be about you.
Oh and by the way, I have a deal for you. I am having a rebound year and plan to do a lot of celebrating in the luxury boxes. Thanks for making this decision so easy for me. Goodbye.
Sincerely,
Roger Goodell
Commish
PS. A receipt for a box of condoms brings you down? Really?!
-Mike Komrosky
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WOW…this was deep! Mean…but honest as hell!
Thanks Sophia. I wrote but Ocho started it AND you don’t hit women!